Balance

I sincerely admit, my life is out of sync. I crave balance. I mean, what do I really have going for me other than work? Don't get me wrong. I am blessed with family, friends, acquaintances, frenemies, enemies, strangers, pets, wild creatures, plants, a roof over my head, a set of wheels and a very enriching job. I just don't divide enough time between the rest of them and work.

In today's economic climate, I am grateful that I work at a job that I enjoy. Yes, I have allowed work to consume my life. Yes, yes, sometimes I admit I enjoy myself a little too much :P. My mummy says, take time out for yourself. Vehemently and in a self delusional mode I say, I do, I do. Bitter, sad truth...ta da....I don't. Oprah says put yourself on a list - guess its my own to-do list...man...I just downgraded myself to a notation on my to-do list! . Make time of day for yourself. Schedule yourself me time. Ok, so Oprah wasn't the first one who said it, again, that's not the point. I am not your typical stuck in a routine type of person either, but i guess the number of spontaneous moments in my life are dwindling. I do take time out to play but there are now more moments, when this urge comes banging on my door where I think I could be doing something work- related; more contemplation on making it a better session with the students, planning projects, interventions, action research...I seem to be digging myself in deeper.

On one hand I am duty bound to my profession, on the other, I know I need diversification. Everyone demands excellence and when duty calls, even if its a Sunday, for 4 or 5 weeks consecutively, I am obligated to answer. At the end of it, I am glad that the job is done and more often, done well, but later I ask myself sometimes, what else?

Some tell me, Shy, you need to get a boyfriend. I dont think that it would be fair on myself or the bloke, if there is one, because I'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons. Been down that road more than once and you could say, I crashed and am a multiple burn survivor with a lot of internal scars..;) We were throwing each other off balance.

Guess, I do need to put myself first. I need to dig deeper and discover what it is that will give me more balance...more happiness. Read the Last Lecture - Randy Pauch and I get what he says. Have read The Secret by Rhonda Bryne too and I shall just let the universe hear my request. I hope I get there real soon. Now to that to-do list...